Exciting news! (Part 1)

Mark Beechill will have a poem featured in the forthcoming Influx Press anthology ‘Connecting Nothing With Something’ 
See http://www.influxpress.com/forthcomingtitles/ for more details - we'll post updates when a release date has been confirmed.

I’M A HUMAN, GET ME OUT OF HERE

(this one's for Simon)

I’M A HUMAN, GET ME OUT OF HERE 

Aka GIVE IT TIME

A quick trip to Ashford

Pick up some books

Get out again

Simple

That is, until the bus doesn’t turn up

And I’m confronted

By a smorgasbord of dreck

Flotsam and jetsam on all fours

Miscellaneous mutants meander malignantly;

The High Street is an endless parade of bad haircuts;

A busker commits murder in broad daylight;

Bored teenagers on half term

Break a branch from a tree

And proceed to beat up a bus shelter

Even this attempt is half-arsed;

The fruitcakes loiter outside of shell-shocked shopfronts

Shouting at anything, nothing

This whole place is grasping at straws

So if you’ve lost faith in miracles

You should come here

And marvel

That someone hasn’t burnt the shit down

SPRING ALTERNATIVE PRESS FAIR - THANKS TO ALL!

Thanks to everyone who came to the Alternative Press Fair in London this Saturday, and extra thanks to those who bought a book or a 'zine from us, traded their own lovely creations or just stopped for a chat.
See you at the next one!
Here's a few dodgy photos...

SHAMELESS PLUG #2

SEE YOU THERE!

TOPICAL STORM

That smug bastard Cameron

Has got it all wrong:

Judging by the news

I’d say

We’re all paedophiles now.

OVERHEARD ONE MORNING AT WINCHEAP BARBERS

(the following conversation was real, and has not been edited or cut for comedy purposes)

“Did you see that new comedy programme last night?”

“Which one was that?”

“A Good Night Out or somethin’. Dunno what channel it was on. Really funny, well directed, really well written, I really enjoyed it.”

“Yeah, that’s one thing we do really well. Comedy. The British sense of humour…”

“Yeah, but the Americans don’t really get it, they don’t get that British humour.”

“When they take one of our shows over there, they don’t get it right.”

“Yeah, the Americans just like to go around shooting each other with semi-automatic weapons.”

(end of conversation)

PERKS

The best thing about working

In an office full of women

Is that toilet time

Is my time

Peace and solitude

And no one else farting, shitting,

Hawking, or talking.

There really is nothing weirder

Than two men holding a conversation

While also holding

Their penis.